5 Exciting Places to Meet New Friends

If you’re trying to overcome social anxiety, you are probably hoping to make new friends.  For many this is a scary prospect as having never been good at doing this, you may not know where to go.  Considering to beautiful weather we have been having, and that fall in not that far away, I have decided to create this list of 5 amazing places where you can easily make new friends.

1. If you love sports, take up a new sport or join a new league.  Being part of a team is an excellent way to meet great people.
2. Do you have children?  If so, take them to the park.  Not only will you have fun with your children, but you’ll meet other parents with whom you share the common bond of parenting.
3. If public service is your thing, volunteer somewhere. No matter where you volunteer, if you’re working with other people, you make new friends.
4. Another option is to take a course in something you want to know more about.  Whether you decide to go back to college and take up a new career path, or just take a pottery, karate or dance class, you’ll meet people with these same interests.
5. Get out and go to events that interest you.  There are many great events where you can make friends.  Many town and cities often have festivals during the summer.  Now only do many of these festivals have great food, but you’ll find hundreds of potential new friends at them.  Car shows, computer shows home and garden shows, and even flee markets are all examples of places that you might want to try.

Now go have fun and make new friends, but just remember.  These are just suggestions.  The places where you will make friends with the most ease are the places where you have fun, and are comfortable!

Was I Socially Distressed?

by Dave Marshall of www.nlpman.eu

I don't know whether I would have been classed as socially distressed when I was young.  I was certainly very, very, very, shy and this shyness affected me all throughout my teenage years and through my twenties and into my thirties.  And then I had an idea, I was working for a large corporation that had an education department and I thought " if I could get it job as an instructor, the company would train me and if I could talk to a classroom full of students then I wouldn't be shy”.  Simple eh!  Well no, as I discovered. Even though I had trained as an instructor and I spoke to a classroom full of students I was still shy.  Not as shy as before but still very shy.  I also paid the price of living in fear every time I had to give a lecture because I knew I was only one page ahead of the students in the Manual, and they were far better qualified than me anyway.  And so life went on, I improved as an instructor in the classroom and my shyness reduced a little bit.

Then I discovered psychology!  I attended lots of courses on various aspects of practical psychology applied to business.  I discovered many things about myself, one in particular was that I was an introvert, surprise surprise.  Another was that other people would view me as being an eccentric person, and I thought everyone was as mad as me, apparently not.  This did teach me a valuable lesson and that was only 2% of the population were like me!  And the other 98% didn't much like the people who were like me.  Now this may sound a very simple discovery that it was a real eye opener to me.  What I learnt was, in public at least, I had to back off from some of my wild ideas and behave like the “normal” people.  I also learnt that something in my past had caused my introversion and so I continued to pursue the dream of becoming normal.

Many years past and I didn't become less introverted, but I did became involved in counselling and therapy, and discovered this new thing called Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP).  I then proceeded to learn everything I could about  NLP.  In particular one of the many methods available was called  time line and, using this approach, you could go back in your memory to a particular time that caused your problem.  And as you looked back at this event you could correct the way you saw it and the problem would go away!  Well, could that really be true?  Yes, it is for most things that cause most people trouble.

Another method is to pretend that you can see the unwanted feeling in front of you (I know it sounds weird, but give it a go) and now notice what colour it is(really weird!) And its shape (even  more weird) and now as you pretend that this coloured shape that is in front of you starts to spin, notice what happens as you make it spin faster and faster.  And faster and faster and faster and faster.  Keep doing this until it changes colour and shape and when this happens slow it down until it stops.  Notice what the feeling is like now.  It should have changed into something that feels quite comfortable.  Put your arms around it and pull it into your body.  Now think about the time when you would expect to get the old feeling in the future, meeting new people next week or something, and notice how you feel when you imagine that you are there, seeing new people, hearing them  ask who you are, saying “how are you” and feel them shaking your hand. Pay attention to the new feeling that you will now have.  You can use this technique for any negative or stressful feeling that you may have.  Even if you were on your way to a meeting and start to feel uncomfortable just stop for couple of minutes and spin the feeling.

There are many many techniques in NLP that you can use that are beyond the scope of this article.  Have a look at my website www.nlpman.eu  and  freeiq.com/nlpman, which are both free to use, and contain lots more things you can do to overcome life's problems.

By the way, I would not say I am socially distressed any more, but I am still considered to be eccentric  HO HO !!!

Good luck,

Dave Marshall

Am I Socially Anxious Or Just Shy – Overcoming Social Anxiety Disorder

Matt at “Overcoming Social Anxiety Disorder” has written a very interesting Blog on the shyness and social anxiety disorder.  Personally I choose to believe that the two are the same beast because they involve the same irrational fears.   My social anxieties in some ways extend directly from my shyness as a kid, and because I was “just shy” I never learned to overcome my shyness into adulthood.  “Just shy” became my excuse, lie and reason for being miserable and cut off from the world.  I learned quite a bit reading Matt’s blog, and even though I don’t totally agree with everything, there the majority of what he says is spot on.

http://socialanxietydisorder.org.uk/am-i-socially-anxious-or-just-shy/

Anxiety, Dating, and Exercise

Everyone knows that exercise is for the most part good for them, but there are a number of advantages to exercise that many people don’t know. Of these, two are relevant to this blog.  You may already know or have noticed that exercise can make you more relaxed.  Another side effect, that I only know to be applicable to men is that after exercise you are more attractive to women. Let’s find out why.

Whenever you exercise, your body releases endorphins.  Endorphins are wonderful proteins that are known to reduce stress and frustration.  In other words, if you regularly exercise you will be on much better able to deal with your anxiety when necessary. There are a number of advantages that come from being less stressed.  You will be more relaxed which may on its own reduce your anxiety.  As you’re more relaxed, you will be able to more easily employ the techniques and strategies you’re using to reduce your anxiety.  Overall, you’ll may be much more comfortable.

Pheromones are another advantage to exercise.  These wonderful chemicals are excreted from our sweat glands and waft of into the air and have a positive effect on women. It is important to note that pheromones have no odor, and that smelling bad will likely negate their effects completely.  If you’re going out, and want to take advantage of your pheromones, you can go out for a quick run or jog after taking a shower.  Work yourself just enough to break a light sweat and stop because you don’t want to smell bad.

As you can see there are many benefits to exercise in addition to the health benefits that we normally associate with it.  Knowing this however doesn’t give us a place to start.  There are hundreds of ways to exercise, and you need to choose one that you find interesting so that will stick with it. There are even video games like Dance Dance Revolution and Wii Fit that you can play. I personally prefer to ride my bike for at least half an hour a day weather permitting.  When I can’t ride my bike, I play my drums, or Dance Dance Revolution.  Going to the gym can provide other advantages since it puts you into a social situation.  Overall the choice of what you’ll do is up to you, but if you take any of my advice, start exercising if you don’t already!

The Therapeutic Qualities of Social Networks

Since it was released, I have been hearing quite a bit about this new social network called “Plurk.”  Initially I put off joining as I didn’t want to have to interact with people to build another network of friends.  Finally yesterday I decided to join and see what all of the hype was about.  Initially I started out with the one person I could find that I in my friends list on nearly every social network.  From there it began to expand.  I was reading plurks, commenting and having a blast. Before long, the anxiety I had experienced that had previously kept me from participating in other social networks had disappeared.  I soon realized, that if designed right, social networks could contribute to my quest of reducing my social anxiety.

The Downfalls

Before I get into how social networking can help your social anxiety I want to make it very clear that if you don’t use caution, it could actually slow your progress.  While social networking can help build communication and social skills, it may be very easy for some people to allow it to become their social life.  If you rely on the anonymity of talking to people online to avoid dealing with your real world problem, you problem will likely become worse.  That isn’t why you’re here, so don’t let it happen.

Getting Started 

The first thing you need to do is decide which site you wish to network on.  I would recommend Plurk because it seems to be the most social site of all of the networks I belong to.  I invite you all to join, and friend me (SociallyDistressed) as that will give you a starting point.  Once you have joined, if you didn’t friend me, you’re first task will be to find people you know to network with.  If you friend me (click here), you already have a decent starting point.  From there you can either post your own plurks, find more people to friend or fan, and start networking.

How Can This Help?

There are many reasons this can help.  It provides a great medium for working on your social skills.  There are always conversations that you can jump in on, and you can start your own.  Depending on how much anxiety you experience while talking to people online, this will may also provide some useful systematic desensitization. 

Come, join me, and let’s have a blast!

Social Anxiety | Make Decisions! | General Information | Dealing With Social Anxiety

I stumbled upon this post earlier as I was checking through my feeds.  Prior to this I had always looked at the effect of my anxiety on the decisions I made, but never the other way around.  After reading it however, I am going to try to force myself to make decisions more quickly, and I’ll report back on what I find in a couple weeks.  Make sure to give this a read now though.

Social Anxiety | Make Decisions! | General Information | Dealing With Social Anxiety

5 Ways to Boost Your Confidence to a New Level

Image courtesy of AarinFreePhoto.com.

1. Continue to Learn – The more you know, the more you have to be confident about.  Why not fill in with knowledge in areas where you’re not so confident.  Generally it helps to pick subjects that are relevent to the people you are around.  Perhaps sports, music, movies or current news would be good topics.  It also helps to learn more complicated subjects such as other such as areas of your work you’re not completely confident you know.
2. Take up a Hobby – Not only is a hobbies a productive way to pass free time, but they also give something else to be confident about.  Whether it’s collecting stamps, building models, painting, pottery, hunting, fishing, racing or any number of other things, you become an “expert” to those around you who are less involved in that hobby.
3. Get Some Exercise – Getting up and exercising is a great way to build confidence.  Exercise causes the release of endorphins which naturally make you feel good while being more fit will naturally make you more confident.
4. Organize – Knowing when you have to to be places, and where everything you need is is a great way to build some confidence.  Start keeping track of your bills, finding places to keep things, and keeping track of your appointments.
5. Dress Better – If you don’t already put effort into the things you wear, this can be a great way to boost your confidence.  You know when you look good, and so does everyone else, so put some effort into it.

Dating 101 for the Socially Anxious

Ok, so you've managed to overcome your anxiety enough to get a date, and now you're feeling the dread of the infamous first date. How can you do it? What will you say? Will you sink or swim? Ooooh, the anxiety.

Don't Panic. Did you bring your towel?

Relax, most of your anxiety is most likely caused by irrational fear.  Ask yourself why you are feeling what you’re feeling.  What are you afraid of?  How does that make sense?  Once you know the answers to those questions, you can reason with yourself as I discussed in  “Inner Dialog - The Craziness in Us All”.  Beyond that, the most difficult part is being prepared to be social.

How Do I Prepare?

There are a few things that you can do to prepare for your first date that came make a huge difference.  Watch some of your favorite movies again.  Make sure to learn some of your favorite lines, and scenes so you can talk about them later.  Listen to your favorite music, and remind yourself why it is your favorite music. Get to know your likes and dislikes again, and rehearse talking about it with your self, and other people whenever you have a chance.  This will give you a ton of material to talk about while you are on your date.

Talk About Things You Know

I’m sure there are things that you’re very confident with that don’t cause anxiety.  Working these into conversation can be very useful.  As well as the benefit of having more material to talk about, this can lead to other advantageous side-effects.

Talking about the things that you are intimately comfortable will help you to think about those things.  While you are thinking of them, you will slip into the same state you were in as you experienced them.  This will help you to be more comfortable, confident, and prepared to forge forward.  Your anxiety may disappear altogether.

Where Should We Do?

The answer to this question depends on you.  I would suggest doing something that you are comfortable with.  If you are comfortable going out to a particular restaurant, go there.  If you have a ton of fun, skydiving, do that.  Whatever you’re most comfortable doing, that’s what you should do.  This will allow you to be more comfortable to begin with.  If you’re not comfortable doing something, it will only add to your anxiety, but if you do something you are comfortable with, you’ll tend to forget about the things that cause your anxiety and have fun.

But What if I get Rejected?

I wish I could say that rejection isn’t a possibility, but fortunately it is. If you’ve done as I have talked about and you still get rejected, you’re love interest isn’t interested in the same things that you are.   In fact, if he/she isn’t interested in the things that are important to your, you should be the one  rejecting him/her. 

If your date is genuinely interested in these things, you won’t get rejected.  If you do get rejected, that just saves you the additional anxiety of having to reject your date. 

And Now the Date

Now you can plan and go to your date.  You will be prepared to talk about the things you are most comfortable with, do something that you are comfortable with, and be able to get yourself into a state where you are empowered.  Now it’s time to let your anxiety fade away and know that if you should be together, you will be.

Blogging as Therapy for Social Anxiety – Can it Help?

Lately there has been quite a bit of news about how blogging can be therapeutic and I have been reading along. I have been blogging for over two years, and I had never stopped to think about how it might be therapeutic up until I started seeing articles pop up on Digg, Slashdot, and the news.

Even then I started this Blog with no thought as to the therapeutic opportunities it could offer me.  It wasn’t until a few days ago that I started to realize the changes I had made without noticing them.  Prior to starting this blog, I would troll the social networks, waiting for people to add me to their friends lists, and never adding them myself.  I would start to write comments and then chicken out and cancel them before posting them.  It was pretty bad.

Now things are different.  I regularly add new people on the social networks I belong to.  I even message people and strike up conversation occasionally. When it comes to commenting, I now find myself easily posting positive responses, and occasionally having to pry my hands from my keyboard to avoid posting negative responses.  I’ve taken some time to consider how much of this change can be attributed to blogging itself.

I have come to the conclusion that in conjunction with the various techniques blogging has contributed quite a bit to my accomplishments for a number of reasons.  First of all, it has given me a reason to reach out and contact others.  When you combined with my understanding of my irrational fears, I could suddenly overcome the fears to do whatever I had to do.  Secondly, whenever I write an article I learn a slew of things that I didn’t notice before.  I’ll sit for hours writing and re-writing as I discover more about how the different techniques work for me.  Of course while I’m doing that, I come up with hundreds of ideas about how the techniques could possibly be improved, and come up with other related techniques to experiment with in the future. 

I really do believe that blogging is therapeutic, especially when you blog about your problems.  Whether you meet new people with the same problems, or learn more about your problems it is all beneficial in the end.

Related Articles:

Blogging: Group Therapy of the 21st Century – ABC News

Blogging now Considered a Therapeutic Tool – Yahoo Tech

Blogging as Therapy – The Obvious

Blogging seen as Good Therapy – Dr. Deb

Crazy Easy Confidence Builder!

Crazy Easy Confidence Builder!

Not suprisingly, here's another article that reccomends saying "Hi" to people. The author also suggests a few other tips to help you build you confidence. If you need help in this area, check it out!

Social Anxiety? Just Say No! | General Information | Dealing With Social Anxiety

Social Anxiety? Just Say No! General Information Dealing With Social Anxiety

This post offers a very simple, yet effective method of retraining negative thoughts. However, I felt the need to throw in my two cents, because I have a slightly different method that is very similar, yet has been much more effective for me. As humans we are very habitual, and often repeat the same patterns. The key to changing your thoughts more quickly is to break these patterns. So when you're consious of your negative thoughts, physically do something different than you'd normally do. Not only will this help you to change your normal patterns, but this will also break your negative train of though.

Give it a try.

Inner Dialog - The Craziness in Us All

When you pass someone on the street who is muttering unintelligibly to himself, you most likely take a moment to consider, how crazy that person must be. If you're thinking about it though, you're having your own conversation about it, just internally. This internal conversation that we all have is what is known as "Internal Dialog."

Our internal dialog plays a huge role in how we will feel, act and react in social situations. If your internal dialog is positive and reassuring, you will be much more comfortable than if it is negative. This is why, as social anxiety sufferers, it is important that we pay attention to our internal dialog. Even a small change in our internal dialog can contribute very quickly to putting our anxiety in check.

The biggest difficulty I have had in noticing my internal dialog is that when I am in an anxious situation, my mind empties, and I forget to pay attention to my thoughts. At one point, I was nearly convinced that I would never be able to to remember what I was thinking while I was anxious. Fortunately I didn't give up and eventually discovered that if remembering your thoughts is just like most other things in life. You have to practice it.

I came to this conclusion by considering the things I am good at. Why does my anxiety drive me when I am on stage playing drums? Why does it do the same when I am at the center of attention in meetings? The answer had been in front of me all along, yet it was never directly stated. Just like playing drums, or being able to make highly detailed technical presentations, I had to practice paying attention to my thoughts to get good at it.

Now I, and you can begin to get to the heart of the craziness that we feed ourselves in our own minds. We can start to do away with those crazy limiting beliefs, self-criticisms and illogical fears. The one thing we're still missing is how to get from point A to point B. How do you practice paying attention to your thoughts?

Start here - What are you thinking about right now? Good, find a way to remind yourself to think about it again in 5 minutes. You might want to set an alarm or find another way of cuing yourself to think about it. I haven't tried it, but perhaps one could use NLP to install a trigger. Personally I started by using the time I spend driving to and from work to monitor my thoughts.

Once you become proficient at paying attention to your thinking at your set times, expand it and try to remember to pay attention in more and more stressful situations. Perhaps someone just said something that upset you - What are you thinking now?

So far I have focused completely on paying attention to what you are thinking, not trying to change what your internal dialog is. The truth is, that even just consciously realizing what you are thinking may cause a drastic change in the way you feel. This is probably because one you've consciously taken control of your thought process, you realize that your fears are irrational. Should that not be the case, there is still plenty of hope left.

Now that you know what you think to yourself while you are anxious, you can start to attempt to change your internal dialog. As crazy as it sounds, you can talk to yourself internally. Ask your internal dialog, "Why, when I am in this situation, do you tell me this?" It may surprise you to find that you will get an answer. Don't tell your inner dialog that it is wrong to have this opinion, but instead ask it how it believes this is beneficial to you. At this point, the answer may or may not make sense to you, but just as if you were talking to another person, keep asking questions until you understand why your internal dialog "feels" this way. At this point, you can begin to reason with it.

This was initially difficult for me, but it helped me to imagine that I was actually talking to a different person. Now you need to consider the reasoning your internal dialog had for presenting you with the dialog it did, and come up with suggestions in how it can better help you in the future. "I think it would be better in this situation if you were to tell me this and this because of this and this, don't you think?" Continue to reason with your inner dialog until you can come to an agreement on something that would be more helpful to you.

During this process you may notice that your inner dialog may have justify what it tells you using actual things that have happened to you. In this case you will want to remember these, and write them down when you are done, so that you can reflect on these. I would recommend bringing these up to your therapist if you are seeing one as these may be key to helping you in the future.

If you follow this technique, and take the time to do it correctly, you will probably notice at least some improvement in a fairly short time. Some people may notice a huge change immediately, but as with all good things, these changes can also take time.

The Curse of Self-Limiting Beliefs

In many ways, the beliefs we have define the people we are. Whether positive or negative they define how we interpret and react to each and every situation we experience. Usually it is easy to tell the difference between our positive and negative though, but one type of beliefs, self-limiting beliefs, can often fall into a grey area where they are difficult to realize.



One subset of self-limiting beliefs is very dangerous because they masquerade as positive beliefs that have some potential benefits even though they still limit our over all potential. These beliefs often come in the form of "I can still do this even though I can't do that" or "Even though blah blah blah holds me back there are other ways I can accomplish this." Both of these forms of though may affirm that we can do something, but they limit the range of possible approaches we have to accomplish it.



There are also much more obious self-limiting beliefs. For instance one might think to himself "She would never go out with a guy like me." or "I will never make that much money in my life. Both of these may very well be true, but just as easily as they could be true, they could also be false. If you limit yourself to not trying, how will you ever know?


The negativity associated with these beliefs may not be immedietly noticible because it is implied from the segment of possibilities that we believe we "can't" do even if the belief expresses itself in a positive way. In other words if were to have a problem with walking forwards for some reason, the belief that I could walk to my car backward instead would be a self-limiting belief. This implies that I "can't" walk to my car forwards, and thus I am intentionally excluding the possibility of walking forward because I am afraid to do so. In this way, the limiting belief gives me an excuse to only walk backwards because I can, allowing me the to more easily put off learning to cope with walking forward comfortably. Now I know that is a stupid example, but it explains the general idea very well.

You may be wondering how you can know if a belief is a limiting belief. You can start by thinking of a situation you are uncomfortable in. What beliefs do you have about your ability to deal with that situation? How would normally act and what would you say. Next think about what your internal dialogue would be telling you. From this you should be able to infer how your beliefs limit you to the resources you normally have available to you and exclude the other possibilities.

Once you have identified your limiting believes, you'll need to find a way to expand your possibilities. Sometimes just understanding what was holding you back, and that there are other possibilities will be enough. In other cases you may need to boost your self-esteem, or learn new things to open up new possibilities. No matter the case, identifying, and coping with your limiting beliefs will definitely open new possibilities for you.

10 Things You Should Do Before Going Out This Weekend

With Memorial Day weekend just a few days away, I thought it would be a great time to put together a list some of the things you can do before going out to help reduce some of your social anxiety.

1. Take a shower or bath - You may already take showers before you go out to make sure that you are clean, but take one even if you don't need it. The warm water will relax you, causing you to be more comfortable.
2. Shave - You don't have to shave off whatever style of facial hair you have. Just touch it up so that you are comfortable that it looks good.
3. Listen to Music - More specifically, listen to music that will help put you in the state you would like to be in. It helps to put some consideration into how different types of music affect you specifically. My favorite song to listen to right before I leave or right before I get out of my car is Clawfinger's "The Biggest and the Best" because it puts me in a very resourceful, confident and determined state.
4. Watch Something Funny - What better is there to put you into a state to have fun? Comedy will lighten your mood and make everything a little bit easier.
5. Exercise After Your Shower - Getting excercize will put you in a more powerfull mood, but perhaps what is more important is what breaking a light sweat might do. We release pheremones in our sweat, so this may help make you more attractive to women. Just remember you don't want to smell bad, so don't over do it.
6. Dress Nice - I'm sure you've heard the expression "Dress for Success." The better you dress, the better you'll feel about how your dressed. In other words dressing better will give you one less thing to not feel confident about.
7. Eat a Healthy Dinner - I'm sure you know its good to eat healthy, but do you know why? If you're going to be drinking, having food in your stomach is always a plus, but also, eating healthy can give you a sense of accomplishment before you leave your house.
8. Have Some Material You Can Use - Do you ever have those awkward moments where you don't seem to have anything to say? Before you go memorize some jokes and information that you think might be appropriate for the social situations you will be in. You'll be much more confident when you know that you have something to say.
9. Clean Up Your House - Is your house a little messy? Would you be embarassed to have people come in? If so, clean it up. You'll feel much better if you do, plus you never know what might happen.
10. Have Fun - This is by far the most important thing on my list. What is the point in going out if you arn't going to have fun yourself? The simple fact is that if you're having fun, others will be drawn to you because they want to have fun as well. If someone makes fun of you, they're probably just jealous becuase you're having fun and they're not so help them have fun to.

I wish the best to all of my readers this wonderful Memorial Day weekend. I'll be out and about as well, so wish me luck as well. Just be safe.

Coping with Limiting Beliefs

About a month ago, a co-worker said something to me that just about made me fall off of my chair laughing. I have always had alot of respect for him, and believed that he was one of the most confident people I knew. On this day, he ed me this girls picture on myspace and said "I almost think she's interested in me, but I must just be dreaming. I could never get a girl like that." As soon as I was able to stop laughing I said "Man, you really need to do something about your limiting beliefs."

To put things in perspective, this guy has just about everything he needed -Good looks, a good sense of humor, a sweet car, and (or so he had had me convinced) confidence. The part that I found funny was that I looked up to him, yet the girl he showed me was slightly below what I know I am capable of attracting.

This was a classic example of a limiting belief and I had to find a way to explain to him what a limiting belief was, and get him to talk to her. It hadn't been very long since I had dealt with my limiting beliefs, and I still didn't completely understand how I had managed to change them. I don't know if he ever did talk to that girl again, but a couple weeks later he was showing us pictures of his new girlfriend who I have to say was much more on his level.

At some point in time, we all experience limiting beliefs wether they are about women, our career, our family or anything else. These are the things we believe that tell us "I can't because..." I many cases we say we "can't" when in fact we can. Perhaps whatever we're speaking or thinking of might be difficult or possibly its something we really shouldn't do, but in fact we really are capable of doing it or at least trying to do it.

Step 1
With that in mind, The first step to ridding yourself of your limiting beliefs is to remove the word "can't" from your vocabulary. For instance if you were asked to do something you had neither the tools nor the knowledge to do, change the way you think. Instead of saying "I can't because I don't have the tools and I don't know how" to "I could learn how to do it and find tools that would work, or possibly find someone else who is more suited to do it." In this case I have used a situation where you probably shouldn't do whatever it is, but you continue to recognize the fact that you are capable of doing with the right resources. Another case would be if someone asked you to kill someone. Hopefully your limiting belief response would be "I can't do that.", but now that you have removed "can't" from your vocabulary, you might say "I am capable of doing that, but doing so would require me to go completely against my beliefs so I won't."

Obvoiously there may be reasons why you should do something despite knowing that you can in fact do it. You probably shouldn't pick up that girl in the bar if either of you is married. Perhaps it wouldn't be a good idea to take on a project that you don't have the resources to complete on time. I'm sure you can think of many other situations where this applies.

Step 2
Learn to change your thoughts. Eliminating the word "can't" from your vocabulary may help remove it from your thoughts, but it probably won't work completely. Fortunately, the part of your brain that feeds you these thoughts learns very quickly. In order to do this you just have to reason with that little voice.

First, think of a situation where you know you have limiting beliefs. Ask that voice, in your head, "In this situation, what would you tell me." Pay close attention to the thoughts that come to mind, and pick out the limiting beliefs. At that point, ask the voice again why those specific limiting beliefs are important to it. Next you will want tell that voice that you understand why what it is saying and explain how you recognize that it is looking out for you in feeding these thoughts to you. Finally you need to negotiate with the voice and come to an agreement on how it can replace the limiting language with more empowering language.

I know this sounds like the mutterings of a psychotic person, but what I am speaking of is actually very natural. The "voice" I speak of is that inner thought dialog that we all experience. Once you have come to an agreement with that "voice" simply ask it if it could try to handle similar situation in a similar matter.

After you have completed these two steps you should notice that many of your limiting beliefs are pretty much gone. You may experience some self-doubt at times, but in these cases you can reason with your mind once again.