6 Tips to Help You Prepare to Quit Smoking

As some of you already know from my last blog, I have decided to quit smoking this Thursday (April 3rd, 2008) and invite any of you to join me in doing the same. For those of you who are going to continue to wait to quit, you have plenty of time to prepare. For those of us quitting this Thursday, time is short, yet there are still things we can do to help make quitting easier.

#1  Break the Habit

If you are a smoker, I’m sure you have experienced those moments where you unconsciously grab a cigarette and light up.  This happens to me every day in my car.  This happens because you have a habit of lighting up in specific situations.  From now until you quit, when you notice yourself doing this, try to delay lighting the cigarette for as long as you can. Getting used to interrupting yourself before you quit will make it easier for you to resist the urge once you have quit.

#2 Remember to Breath

I don’t know how many times I have read that you should take a deep breath whenever you have the urge to smoke.  While breathing deeply may help you relax and lessen the urge to smoke, it probably won’t eliminate the urge to smoke altogether.   Many of the sources that do suggest breathing entirely miss the point of it.  The end goal isn’t to relax you, or even to lessen to urge to smoke.  What you really want to do is divert your focus from smoking to something else and there is nothing better to divert your attention to than the present. 

#3 Being in the Present

In the past you smoked, in the future things may happen that will make you want to smoke.  Why would you want to focus your attention on either of these while you are attempting to fight off the urge to smoke?  Instead keep your mind on the present.  Breath deeply and take time to look at what is going on around you.  What do you see?  What do you hear?  Let these things pass into and out of your mind as they happen, and just be present.  This will not only help you put more time between your cigarettes as you prepare to quit, but will also help you to resist the urge to smoke once you have quit smoking.

#4 Don’t Be Afraid to Use a Stop Smoking Aid

You shouldn’t feel intimidated or embarrassed about using a stop smoking aid.  The addiction to nicotine can be worse than the addiction to drugs that are considered to be far worse.  Just as with those drugs, your body had a chemical dependency on the nicotine which can be dealt with more easily using these aids.  Whether you choose to use something over the counter, or something prescribed by your physician, you should use something.  Over the next few days decide what you will use, and plan when you will get it so that when the time comes you will be prepared.

#5 Reach Out and Get Support

There are many places you can look to for support.  Whether you prefer calling one of the stop smoking hotlines, turning to your peers, or turning to others who are also making an attempt to quit, don’t be afraid to get support.  I will be more than glad to talk, share stories, and thoughts in comments here and on Plurk (I am sociallydistressed there).

#6 Be Excited

Just by reading this you have already made an effort toward quitting.  With sheer determination, and a little bit of luck, you may soon be smoke free.  You’ll have more money to spend or save. You’ll feel so much better.  People will no long shy away from you because you smell like smoke. 

 

Related Posts:

Quitting Smoking as a Technique to Improve your Self Confidence

Quitting Smoking as a Technique to Improve your Self Confidence

This morning on my way into the office this morning, I made the decision to quit smoking once and for all. As I was driving and thinking about the implications of quitting I realized how overcoming the nicotine addiction can be another big step in improving my self-confidence. Quitting cigarettes can give one much more than simply the sence of accomplishment gained from accomplishing something so difficult. Most of the positive effects are fairly obvious. You will be healthier, and will feel better day-to-day. Cigarettes are expensive, so depending on how much you smoke, and how you buy them, you could end up saving a fairly large chunck of change each month. When you go out in public, you will no longer wonder if you smell like cigarettes. All of these can make a huge difference in your self confidence, which in the end will help your social anxiety. You may be afraid to try to quit, because you might fail. You shouldn't be. The nicotine addiction is extremely difficult to dump for some people (including me), and there is no way to guarantee that you'll be able to do it. Our goal in this case is to try our best to make our lives smoke free. At the very least, we'll smoke a few less cigarettes than we would have otherwise. While keeping that in mind, also keep in mind that our long term goal is to quit. In order to do that we need to maintain positivity, and believe that we will succeed. If you're nervous about quitting alone, feel free to join me. I will be quitting on Thursday, July 3rd (2008). Feel free to comment, or join me on plurk and we can work together. In addition to being open to talk, I will also be blogging about my experiences, and providing tips and thoughts as I go, so make sure you check back often. I hope to see a few of you join me in this adventure!

Finding Encouragement in Discouraging Situations

Just as with anything else you put your mind to, it’s inevitable that you’ll experience ups and downs as you become more confident in social situations.  Perhaps one day, you may be a social animal, while the next you might feel like hiding.  While the ups can be very gratifying, the downs can be very upsetting and discouraging.  It is important as you venture toward a more social life that you learn to let these negative experiences roll off your back. 

Most likely people have told you “Just shrug it off” many times in the past, never explaining how one can simply drop failure and not dwell on it.  In fact, it may very well be impossible to do so.  If there were no such thing as failure however, there would be no need to “shrug it off.”   A world without both success and failure couldn’t exist, could it?

That answer to that question depends on how you choose to look at any given situation.  Lets assume for a seconds that we are running a lemonade stand.  Yesterday our goal was to make $10, yet we only made $8.  In this case we can choose to consider the day a failure, or choose to look at the success we did have during the day.  So perhaps the day before we had only made $5.  Perhaps during the day we discovered a method of enticing new customers.  Perhaps we improved the flavor of the lemonade.  Despite not meeting our goal, we still had success, and the day was not a failure.  Instead of shrugging off your failure, you turn it into a success.

Having the ability to see your success even when you fail to meet a goal is a very powerful tool.  This gives you the empowerment to transcend the negative effects of failure and to remain positive. You will feel more energetic and capable of accomplishing your other goals.  In addition to all of this you can look deeper and learn how you can better set your goals. I will write more about this in the coming days.

On a Personal Note

I have recently applied these principles myself.  I had set a goal for myself to write a minimum of 1 blog post per day. During the past week, I found that to be impossible.  I would get half way through a post before drawing a complete blank.  I’d save the post and move on to another idea.  No matter what I was writing, I would get about half way though the post, and get stuck.  I didn’t let it discourage me though.  I worried a bit about the effects not posting might have on my readers, but didn’t focus on my inability to complete a post.  Instead I looked at the fact that with each post I started to write, I was half a post closer to another great post for my readers.  In addition those posts will get more review, and consideration than my posts normally would leading to overall better articles.  So in the end despite the fact I couldn’t manage to give you, my readers, something to read last week, I was still successful.  When I am able to finish those posts, you will be reading posts that have received much more thought and time than most of my writing.

What Other Social Anxiety Sites do You Visit?

Over the past few months, I have been searching for more social anxiety blogs, and I have only found a few that actively post content.  I know that others must exist.  What sites do you visit, and which have helped you the most?

Realistically Coping With Approach Anxiety

Most of us who have had to deal with approach anxiety (AA) have heard at least one person tell us “Just do it and it will get easier with time” and assuming that you’re approach anxiety is just as easily dealt with as theirs was.  If you’re reading this because of your AA, it’s probably because you haven’t been able to bring yourself to “Just do it.”  I am writing this primarily because I know how difficult approaching the opposite (or in some cases same) sex can be.

Approach anxiety is something that is experienced by both men and women.  In fact women may experience it to a greater extent due to the fact that traditionally it is the man who approaches the woman.  Due to this, women often feel anxiety for the same reasons as men, but additionally the pressure that society puts on them to not approach.  Because of that many women pass up what they want, and opportunity flies by.  In my opinion, we should all be enabled to go after what we want.

Anything good in life takes some work, and approach anxiety is no exception.  Believing that anything can make it disappear instantly is going cause you to become more and more frustrated until you eventually give up.  Instead it is important to focus on the small accomplishments you make from day to day, making sure to give yourself at least as much credit as you deserve.  If you remain positive you will make progress, be more motivated, be more relaxed, and your anxiety will fade away more quickly than if you try to take on more than you can handle at one time.  You shouldn’t look at this as if controlling your anxiety will take more time than you had hoped.  Instead view it as if you now have a plan to incrementally decrease your approach anxiety.  A plan that will allow you to become more confident in your social skills and abilities with each day that passes.  The false hopes of conquering your anxiety “magically” are now behind you, and you now have the empowerment and knowledge to realistically tackle what it is you have set out to do with confidence and determination.

Good Luck!

Am I Socially Anxious Or Just Shy – Overcoming Social Anxiety Disorder

Matt at “Overcoming Social Anxiety Disorder” has written a very interesting Blog on the shyness and social anxiety disorder.  Personally I choose to believe that the two are the same beast because they involve the same irrational fears.   My social anxieties in some ways extend directly from my shyness as a kid, and because I was “just shy” I never learned to overcome my shyness into adulthood.  “Just shy” became my excuse, lie and reason for being miserable and cut off from the world.  I learned quite a bit reading Matt’s blog, and even though I don’t totally agree with everything, there the majority of what he says is spot on.

http://socialanxietydisorder.org.uk/am-i-socially-anxious-or-just-shy/

Just That Interesting: Internet dating sites

My friend, laFunk over at “Just That Interesting” has amazed me again with a brilliant blog about finding dates on Internet dating sites.  I wish I had had this advice when I was on the prowl. 

Just That Interesting: Internet dating sites

Anxiety, Dating, and Exercise

Everyone knows that exercise is for the most part good for them, but there are a number of advantages to exercise that many people don’t know. Of these, two are relevant to this blog.  You may already know or have noticed that exercise can make you more relaxed.  Another side effect, that I only know to be applicable to men is that after exercise you are more attractive to women. Let’s find out why.

Whenever you exercise, your body releases endorphins.  Endorphins are wonderful proteins that are known to reduce stress and frustration.  In other words, if you regularly exercise you will be on much better able to deal with your anxiety when necessary. There are a number of advantages that come from being less stressed.  You will be more relaxed which may on its own reduce your anxiety.  As you’re more relaxed, you will be able to more easily employ the techniques and strategies you’re using to reduce your anxiety.  Overall, you’ll may be much more comfortable.

Pheromones are another advantage to exercise.  These wonderful chemicals are excreted from our sweat glands and waft of into the air and have a positive effect on women. It is important to note that pheromones have no odor, and that smelling bad will likely negate their effects completely.  If you’re going out, and want to take advantage of your pheromones, you can go out for a quick run or jog after taking a shower.  Work yourself just enough to break a light sweat and stop because you don’t want to smell bad.

As you can see there are many benefits to exercise in addition to the health benefits that we normally associate with it.  Knowing this however doesn’t give us a place to start.  There are hundreds of ways to exercise, and you need to choose one that you find interesting so that will stick with it. There are even video games like Dance Dance Revolution and Wii Fit that you can play. I personally prefer to ride my bike for at least half an hour a day weather permitting.  When I can’t ride my bike, I play my drums, or Dance Dance Revolution.  Going to the gym can provide other advantages since it puts you into a social situation.  Overall the choice of what you’ll do is up to you, but if you take any of my advice, start exercising if you don’t already!

The Therapeutic Qualities of Social Networks

Since it was released, I have been hearing quite a bit about this new social network called “Plurk.”  Initially I put off joining as I didn’t want to have to interact with people to build another network of friends.  Finally yesterday I decided to join and see what all of the hype was about.  Initially I started out with the one person I could find that I in my friends list on nearly every social network.  From there it began to expand.  I was reading plurks, commenting and having a blast. Before long, the anxiety I had experienced that had previously kept me from participating in other social networks had disappeared.  I soon realized, that if designed right, social networks could contribute to my quest of reducing my social anxiety.

The Downfalls

Before I get into how social networking can help your social anxiety I want to make it very clear that if you don’t use caution, it could actually slow your progress.  While social networking can help build communication and social skills, it may be very easy for some people to allow it to become their social life.  If you rely on the anonymity of talking to people online to avoid dealing with your real world problem, you problem will likely become worse.  That isn’t why you’re here, so don’t let it happen.

Getting Started 

The first thing you need to do is decide which site you wish to network on.  I would recommend Plurk because it seems to be the most social site of all of the networks I belong to.  I invite you all to join, and friend me (SociallyDistressed) as that will give you a starting point.  Once you have joined, if you didn’t friend me, you’re first task will be to find people you know to network with.  If you friend me (click here), you already have a decent starting point.  From there you can either post your own plurks, find more people to friend or fan, and start networking.

How Can This Help?

There are many reasons this can help.  It provides a great medium for working on your social skills.  There are always conversations that you can jump in on, and you can start your own.  Depending on how much anxiety you experience while talking to people online, this will may also provide some useful systematic desensitization. 

Come, join me, and let’s have a blast!

Social Anxiety | Make Decisions! | General Information | Dealing With Social Anxiety

I stumbled upon this post earlier as I was checking through my feeds.  Prior to this I had always looked at the effect of my anxiety on the decisions I made, but never the other way around.  After reading it however, I am going to try to force myself to make decisions more quickly, and I’ll report back on what I find in a couple weeks.  Make sure to give this a read now though.

Social Anxiety | Make Decisions! | General Information | Dealing With Social Anxiety

5 Ways to Boost Your Confidence to a New Level

Image courtesy of AarinFreePhoto.com.

1. Continue to Learn – The more you know, the more you have to be confident about.  Why not fill in with knowledge in areas where you’re not so confident.  Generally it helps to pick subjects that are relevent to the people you are around.  Perhaps sports, music, movies or current news would be good topics.  It also helps to learn more complicated subjects such as other such as areas of your work you’re not completely confident you know.
2. Take up a Hobby – Not only is a hobbies a productive way to pass free time, but they also give something else to be confident about.  Whether it’s collecting stamps, building models, painting, pottery, hunting, fishing, racing or any number of other things, you become an “expert” to those around you who are less involved in that hobby.
3. Get Some Exercise – Getting up and exercising is a great way to build confidence.  Exercise causes the release of endorphins which naturally make you feel good while being more fit will naturally make you more confident.
4. Organize – Knowing when you have to to be places, and where everything you need is is a great way to build some confidence.  Start keeping track of your bills, finding places to keep things, and keeping track of your appointments.
5. Dress Better – If you don’t already put effort into the things you wear, this can be a great way to boost your confidence.  You know when you look good, and so does everyone else, so put some effort into it.

May’s Progress

Here’s a quick overview of the progress I made during May.  The weather is finally getting warmer here in the north-east US, so I have been starting to get more exercise.  I spent quite a bit of time researching and learning.  I continued my research into NLP techniques, and started to look at the world of hypnotic language patterns.  On top of all of this I have managed to make quite a bit of progress with my social anxiety.

After identifying a few events that had contributed to my anxiety and applying the NLP techniques I had learned, I began to experience much less anxiety with old friends from school.  My Facebook network went from 5 friends to 72 friends in the matter of a week.  I have also become more social at work, and find it much easier to Joke around with my co-workers, where before I found it difficult to participate.

Moving into June I have been very excited.  I went out this past Friday and purchased a new mountain bike. I am planning on getting more socially involved in that sport.  My daughter’s soccer league starts tonight, and I hope to be more involved with that as well.  In addition to those, I plan on continuing to learn about hypnosis and NLP, and experiment around with different techniques so that I can continue to provide new stuff for all of my readers to try as well.

Dating 101 for the Socially Anxious

Ok, so you've managed to overcome your anxiety enough to get a date, and now you're feeling the dread of the infamous first date. How can you do it? What will you say? Will you sink or swim? Ooooh, the anxiety.

Don't Panic. Did you bring your towel?

Relax, most of your anxiety is most likely caused by irrational fear.  Ask yourself why you are feeling what you’re feeling.  What are you afraid of?  How does that make sense?  Once you know the answers to those questions, you can reason with yourself as I discussed in  “Inner Dialog - The Craziness in Us All”.  Beyond that, the most difficult part is being prepared to be social.

How Do I Prepare?

There are a few things that you can do to prepare for your first date that came make a huge difference.  Watch some of your favorite movies again.  Make sure to learn some of your favorite lines, and scenes so you can talk about them later.  Listen to your favorite music, and remind yourself why it is your favorite music. Get to know your likes and dislikes again, and rehearse talking about it with your self, and other people whenever you have a chance.  This will give you a ton of material to talk about while you are on your date.

Talk About Things You Know

I’m sure there are things that you’re very confident with that don’t cause anxiety.  Working these into conversation can be very useful.  As well as the benefit of having more material to talk about, this can lead to other advantageous side-effects.

Talking about the things that you are intimately comfortable will help you to think about those things.  While you are thinking of them, you will slip into the same state you were in as you experienced them.  This will help you to be more comfortable, confident, and prepared to forge forward.  Your anxiety may disappear altogether.

Where Should We Do?

The answer to this question depends on you.  I would suggest doing something that you are comfortable with.  If you are comfortable going out to a particular restaurant, go there.  If you have a ton of fun, skydiving, do that.  Whatever you’re most comfortable doing, that’s what you should do.  This will allow you to be more comfortable to begin with.  If you’re not comfortable doing something, it will only add to your anxiety, but if you do something you are comfortable with, you’ll tend to forget about the things that cause your anxiety and have fun.

But What if I get Rejected?

I wish I could say that rejection isn’t a possibility, but fortunately it is. If you’ve done as I have talked about and you still get rejected, you’re love interest isn’t interested in the same things that you are.   In fact, if he/she isn’t interested in the things that are important to your, you should be the one  rejecting him/her. 

If your date is genuinely interested in these things, you won’t get rejected.  If you do get rejected, that just saves you the additional anxiety of having to reject your date. 

And Now the Date

Now you can plan and go to your date.  You will be prepared to talk about the things you are most comfortable with, do something that you are comfortable with, and be able to get yourself into a state where you are empowered.  Now it’s time to let your anxiety fade away and know that if you should be together, you will be.

Blogging as Therapy for Social Anxiety – Can it Help?

Lately there has been quite a bit of news about how blogging can be therapeutic and I have been reading along. I have been blogging for over two years, and I had never stopped to think about how it might be therapeutic up until I started seeing articles pop up on Digg, Slashdot, and the news.

Even then I started this Blog with no thought as to the therapeutic opportunities it could offer me.  It wasn’t until a few days ago that I started to realize the changes I had made without noticing them.  Prior to starting this blog, I would troll the social networks, waiting for people to add me to their friends lists, and never adding them myself.  I would start to write comments and then chicken out and cancel them before posting them.  It was pretty bad.

Now things are different.  I regularly add new people on the social networks I belong to.  I even message people and strike up conversation occasionally. When it comes to commenting, I now find myself easily posting positive responses, and occasionally having to pry my hands from my keyboard to avoid posting negative responses.  I’ve taken some time to consider how much of this change can be attributed to blogging itself.

I have come to the conclusion that in conjunction with the various techniques blogging has contributed quite a bit to my accomplishments for a number of reasons.  First of all, it has given me a reason to reach out and contact others.  When you combined with my understanding of my irrational fears, I could suddenly overcome the fears to do whatever I had to do.  Secondly, whenever I write an article I learn a slew of things that I didn’t notice before.  I’ll sit for hours writing and re-writing as I discover more about how the different techniques work for me.  Of course while I’m doing that, I come up with hundreds of ideas about how the techniques could possibly be improved, and come up with other related techniques to experiment with in the future. 

I really do believe that blogging is therapeutic, especially when you blog about your problems.  Whether you meet new people with the same problems, or learn more about your problems it is all beneficial in the end.

Related Articles:

Blogging: Group Therapy of the 21st Century – ABC News

Blogging now Considered a Therapeutic Tool – Yahoo Tech

Blogging as Therapy – The Obvious

Blogging seen as Good Therapy – Dr. Deb

Can I Always Be “Present?” – Thoughts About Being In the “NOW”

When I first read “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle, my first thought was “How can I always be in the now, and still have things to work toward?”  It seems like goals are always in the future, so it would seem at first glance that Mr. Tolle would have us believe that we shouldn’t have goals. This thought scared me until I discovered that when I was in the present, I still had goals as much as I did when I wasn’t in the present.  When I am in the present, however, my perception of my goals is very different.

Explaining the difference in my perception of my goals in the present perspective versus the future perspective is very difficult. In a way, while in the present, I feel detached from my goals. It feels almost as if they might belong to someone else.  In this state, I no longer feel intense pressure to accomplish the end result of the goals, but feel the reason to accomplish the small piece that I am working on right now.  While I am in focused on the future, however, I feel the overwhelming pressure of the whole goal stacked up against the miniscule piece that I can accomplish right now. 

After realizing this I have come the conclusion that you can live your life in the “NOW” all of the time.   You can draw on your past and ideas for the future, but in the end both the past and future are just there to give you a plethora of possibilities that you can draw upon to live life now. 

Site Updates

Over the past few days, I have been working very hard on the site.  The site is now accessible via www.sociallydistressed.com.  In addition, I re-vamped the look of the site quite a bit, and will be making additional changes over the next few days.

I hope that everyone enjoys the content I have been providing, and I look forward to providing much more.  If you have any comments or suggestions, feel free to contact me at  andy at sociallydistressed.com.

Thank You for Visiting!

Service Disruptions

I would like to apologize for any difficulties anyone has accessing the site over the next 24 hours.  I had the bright idea of purchasing sociallydistressed.com, and made a few errors rushing to set it up.  With luck, everything will be solid by 5:00 tonight.

Once again I apologize for the inconvenience.

Andy

Social Anxiety, Self Confidence, Knowledge and Depression - The Connections

Managing our social anxiety requires that we cope with a number of factors in addition to the anxiety itself. As the title suggests, the three factors that I will discuss are self-confidence, knowledge, and depression with hope of providing insight into how they relate to and effect your ability to control your social anxiety.

Many times people who experience social anxiety also experience depression. There are many factors that might cause or amplify depression, but it is important to understand how social anxiety and depression can affect each other. Social anxiety and depression are symbiotic in that social anxiety can feed of of depression while depression feeds off of social anxiety.  Depression will lower your confidence, make it more difficult to see your accomplishments, and make your shortcomings more pronounced to you. At that point, the negative feelings you have from your perceptions will lead to deeper depression. Unless it is interrupted, this cycle will continue perpetually.

Self-confidence has the exact opposite effect of depression. By building self-confidence you can overcome the vicious cycle of depression. The more confidence you have, the more confident you'll be in social situations. The more confident you are in social situations, the more you'll notice your accomplishments and the less effect your shortcomings will have on you. Your depression will weaken its grip, and you're social anxiety will dissipate. This is where knowledge comes in to play.

Think of a situation where you are confident.  Part of this confidence derives from the knowledge you have in dealing with the situation.  Often times, this knowledge is gained through years of learning.  We have a wide range of resources available to us to learn the skills and information we need to know.  There are good examples of social interaction all around us that we choose to learn from every day.  Not only can we learn from other people, but we can learn from characters from TV shows and movies just as well. Once you’ve built confidence through your knowledge, you’ll find it much easier to improve your confidence in other ways which will eventually lead to improvement in your social anxiety.

Now you know how self-confidence and Depression directly affect your anxiety.  Knowledge is one thing that you can gain outside of the situations that cause you anxiety that will increase your anxiety. If you learn to control your own thoughts and self-limiting beliefs at the same time as you are learning your social patterns, you’ll whip your depression into submission and notice your anxiety fading away in no time at all.

NLP Resources

I have mentioned NLP in many of my articles, but I have been trying to avoid writing too much about it, because I do not feel I know enough to do the subject any justice. At the same time I have been itching to introduce everyone to this amazing field as it has been extremely helpful to me. This is why I have chosen to provide a list of resources to help with the matter. Below you will find a list of sites and books that deal with the subject, and do it much more justice than I could.

NLPMan.eu - This site contains many useful NLP techniques. The author has over 20 years experience and has been trained by some of the biggest names in the field. I have personally learned quite a few techniques here including how to cure a headache.

neuro-linguistic-pro-site.com - Yet another excellent reference, Neuro-linguistic-pro-site provides a wealth of information from the basics to more advanced topics.

http://www.intonlp.com/ - Here is one last resource that I felt worthy of being on this list. This site contains just about everything one needs to know including a very good article explaining anchoring.

Crazy Easy Confidence Builder!

Crazy Easy Confidence Builder!

Not suprisingly, here's another article that reccomends saying "Hi" to people. The author also suggests a few other tips to help you build you confidence. If you need help in this area, check it out!

Social Anxiety? Just Say No! | General Information | Dealing With Social Anxiety

Social Anxiety? Just Say No! General Information Dealing With Social Anxiety

This post offers a very simple, yet effective method of retraining negative thoughts. However, I felt the need to throw in my two cents, because I have a slightly different method that is very similar, yet has been much more effective for me. As humans we are very habitual, and often repeat the same patterns. The key to changing your thoughts more quickly is to break these patterns. So when you're consious of your negative thoughts, physically do something different than you'd normally do. Not only will this help you to change your normal patterns, but this will also break your negative train of though.

Give it a try.