Dating 101 for the Socially Anxious

Ok, so you've managed to overcome your anxiety enough to get a date, and now you're feeling the dread of the infamous first date. How can you do it? What will you say? Will you sink or swim? Ooooh, the anxiety.

Don't Panic. Did you bring your towel?

Relax, most of your anxiety is most likely caused by irrational fear.  Ask yourself why you are feeling what you’re feeling.  What are you afraid of?  How does that make sense?  Once you know the answers to those questions, you can reason with yourself as I discussed in  “Inner Dialog - The Craziness in Us All”.  Beyond that, the most difficult part is being prepared to be social.

How Do I Prepare?

There are a few things that you can do to prepare for your first date that came make a huge difference.  Watch some of your favorite movies again.  Make sure to learn some of your favorite lines, and scenes so you can talk about them later.  Listen to your favorite music, and remind yourself why it is your favorite music. Get to know your likes and dislikes again, and rehearse talking about it with your self, and other people whenever you have a chance.  This will give you a ton of material to talk about while you are on your date.

Talk About Things You Know

I’m sure there are things that you’re very confident with that don’t cause anxiety.  Working these into conversation can be very useful.  As well as the benefit of having more material to talk about, this can lead to other advantageous side-effects.

Talking about the things that you are intimately comfortable will help you to think about those things.  While you are thinking of them, you will slip into the same state you were in as you experienced them.  This will help you to be more comfortable, confident, and prepared to forge forward.  Your anxiety may disappear altogether.

Where Should We Do?

The answer to this question depends on you.  I would suggest doing something that you are comfortable with.  If you are comfortable going out to a particular restaurant, go there.  If you have a ton of fun, skydiving, do that.  Whatever you’re most comfortable doing, that’s what you should do.  This will allow you to be more comfortable to begin with.  If you’re not comfortable doing something, it will only add to your anxiety, but if you do something you are comfortable with, you’ll tend to forget about the things that cause your anxiety and have fun.

But What if I get Rejected?

I wish I could say that rejection isn’t a possibility, but fortunately it is. If you’ve done as I have talked about and you still get rejected, you’re love interest isn’t interested in the same things that you are.   In fact, if he/she isn’t interested in the things that are important to your, you should be the one  rejecting him/her. 

If your date is genuinely interested in these things, you won’t get rejected.  If you do get rejected, that just saves you the additional anxiety of having to reject your date. 

And Now the Date

Now you can plan and go to your date.  You will be prepared to talk about the things you are most comfortable with, do something that you are comfortable with, and be able to get yourself into a state where you are empowered.  Now it’s time to let your anxiety fade away and know that if you should be together, you will be.