Before Now

For most of my life I have struggled with my social anxieties. I first remember experiencing this when I was around 10 years old. Separated from my best friends in school, I was mortified and pretty much unable to make new friends.

I was paralyzed by my fear until my junior year in high school when I started playing in a band, and became essentially an overnight celebrity with my 15 minutes of localized fame. Unfortunately this did absolutely nothing to help my anxiety.

During my 15 minutes of fame, I met my ex-wife. We were together for 9 years during which we had a daughter, were married, and finally divorced. Throughout that time I was happy not being very social other than at work and with my close friends. For that reason I didn't really battle much with my social anxiety at that time.

After my divorce, I spent 6 months try to find a girlfriend. It was so hard for me to approach women and talk to them that when I finally did meet someone I was too anxious to jump into a serious relationship. She moved in with me very quickly, and within a few weeks, I knew that it wasn't going to work out, but I was afraid to end it because I was afraid to have to face people again.

Near the end of that relationship, I started to learn about social anxieties, and was finally able to put a name to the problems I had dealing with people. For once in my life, I finally had the opportunity to help myself with this problem that had always plagued me.

About 5 months ago, I finally broke up with her, and I have been consistently studying, and alleviating my social anxieties ever since. I learn something new every day, and am constantly noticing changes in myself. For instance, just last weekend, I noticed some huge changes.

Ordinarily when I go out with my brother and/or friends, I'm quiet, an pretty much only talk with them. If their friends come over I don't say much other than hi. Last weekend ended up being very different. My brother saw a friend of his that he hadn't seen since he graduated high school. He introduced us all, and we talked for a few minutes. Before long I was leading the conversation and joking with everyone.

Unfortunately I'm not "cured". Other attempts since then havn't been nearly as successfull, but I think I know why. When my brother and his friend came to pick me up, I kidded around with them the whole way there and once we got to the bar. I was having fun, and I was in a joking frame of mind. Since everyone we were talking to was in a similar state, I kind of bridged them into our my frame.

I have been in that frame before, and anytime I do manage to get into it, it is by far easier for me to be social than normal. As an experiment, I'm going to try to use NLP to set a trigger and see if I can't move into that state whenever I want to.